Being able to sing

I had never really thought much about being able to sing and the freedom found in that. Sure, I've been sick before and not able to physically sing and was always sad to be missing out Sunday mornings. But it hasn't been until the last few months, as I am going through the worst season of my life (thus far anyway), that I have found myself emotionally unable to sing. I have found that weird. I don't understand why I haven't been able to sing. I am not angry at God for the pain going on in my life right now. I don't think any differently of Him. I haven't lost hope or my faith in Him. So why have I been unable to sing? I don't know. Music really ministers to my soul. Listening to music and singing. And the last few months I have found that listening to music, feeling like I was being sung to, has been incredibly encouraging. And I have opened my mouth to sing along, especially praise and worship music, but the lump appears in my throat and my eyes well up with tears. And words to songs have taken on new meaning. I have truly thought, and thought deeply, about every word that I have attempted to sing. The last few weeks have been better for me. I have found my voice again and found the freedom I feel when I can sing. I still think deeply about the words that come out of my mouth and find I have to stop sometimes. But I am glad that I have moved into being able to sing again. I feel lighter in my chest and it is a very freeing experience.