Flashbacks from Childhood

I guess it started with the swing. That I wrote about on my last post. And now it has grown. Through my son I am re-experiencing hobbies and things from childhood that gave me such a sense of freedom. I took him roller-skating for the first time recently. Oh my goodness. I had forgotten the utter freedom I felt when I was flying across the floor and jumping into the air. (If you didn't know, I used to compete when I was a teenager). And I've been absolutely craving riding a bike again. I couldn't tell you the last time I rode a bike. Probably around the last time I skated and those were probably 15 years ago or more. I think as we grow up and move on to more "adult" activities and get caught up in school and work and all we lose some of that freedom we felt as a child simply swinging or riding a bike. I am working on re-discovering those and incorporating them back into my life as I can. I got a bike today and am loving re-discovering bike riding. I encourage you if you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed or down to find something you loved as a child and give it a whirl again. Maybe you can't ride you bike all day every day like you did as a kid, but maybe you can squeeze it in once or twice a week. A way to clear your head and feel that rush of freedom in a physical way.







On my son's blog, I have the verse, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." ( Matthew 18:3, NIV) I guess in the past few months I have been challenged to be more child-like in my faith and as I am re-discovering some of my favorite childhood activities I am feeling the freedom that comes with it. God is good to let us feel that physical freedom that we feel in swinging or zooming along on a bike, to remind us of the spiritual and emotional freedom that is through Him.

Freedom in a swing

Spent a wonderful, lazy afternoon outside with my son yesterday, on his new swing. As I watched him I was reminded of the freedom I felt on a swing as a child, and still do as an adult. The higher and higher I get the more my soul seems to soar. I think Matthew felt it too yesterday, although he wasn't going up high, but just letting loose of the ground and swinging back and forth. So today, I am posting some pictures of our "freedom experience". Hope you enjoy!

"The Lord and the Spirit are one and the same, and the Lord's Spirit sets us free." (2 Cor. 13:17- CEV)

Blessings

My new favorite song is "Blessings" by Laura Story. It is really speaking to me during this tough season in my life. It reminds me of hope and gives me comfort. It reminds me that God is always at work, even when things don't look the way I think they should. If you haven't checked it out you can listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Love, love, love

It's that time of year. Valentine's Day is less than a week away. This year the whole thing just makes me want to gag. I actually feel hostile towards Valentine's Day. But who of us hasn't been burned by love before. It just is part of being human. We all long for love. On Maslow's hierarchy of needs it comes right after physiological and safety needs. That acceptance and companionship is something every human being craves. It's the way God designed us. It's why God created a partner, a best friend, for Adam in the beginning. Unfortunately humans hurt each other. And everyone gets hurt by love at some time or another. For many of us it starts in middle school or high school with first crushes and figuring out what love is all about. Then it travels into adulthood where many are hurt again with relationships that they thought were unconditional and would last forever. Sometimes we (or I guess I should say "I") feel that true love is never possible and will never happen to me. I feel undeserving and too scared to ever trust. You know me, I have a song. I heard it for the first time a few weeks ago and can't get enough of it. This is JJ Heller and "What Love Really Means". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqWf-XehllA

In the last six months my world as I knew it has come crashing down. I have questioned love and everything that goes with it. Everything I once thought to be true with love is now questionable. I am extremely grateful and overwhelmed by my parents' love. I say their love is unconditional. But I have to be honest (and this is hard to say since I know they read this), but I get scared. I mean if love has blown up in my face before, who is to say that theirs will always be there? If someone that I believed loved me unconditionally really didn't, then who is to say that others I believe to love me unconditionally really don't? I know I shouldn't let one relationship do this to me, but it has rocked my world and everything in it that I know. I look at my love for my son. I believe it is unconditional but I also question if humans are capable of true unconditional love. Thank goodness we have a God who is capable of true unconditional love! The Bible tells us of this love over and over. Something I took away from Ladies' Bible Class this morning (studying Romans 5:5-8), He died for me at my worst moment and would do it again in a heartbeat. At my worst moment. Wow. And would do it again? I mulled over this for quite a while and realized how unworthy I've been feeling. At my worst moment. He died for me not when I was doing really well and all perfect and stuff, but at my worst moment. How many of us know who would truly stick with us and love us through our worst moments. I hope you have some people you can count on, but if not, I have good news for you! You do have a God who is there 24/7. Always on-call, up late for a chat, holding you through your biggest crisis. What a relief. And I will never be perfect. I try so hard to do things to please my family and friends,I guess to "make them love me", if I want to be honest about it. Because I don't feel I am worthy of love without working for it. Here's the catch with God, I could never do enough for Him, but it doesn't matter!! His love is there- no matter what. I could never earn it, but that isn't what God wants- He wants to just give it. And it's not going anywhere.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ( Romans 8:38-39)

Wow, what comfort. My job is to trust in that and believe in that. Another favorite scripture is John 14:27. It reminds us that God does not give to us like the world does.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

So on this Valentine's Day, I vow to not mourn over what has happened in my life and what I don't have in this world, but what I do have in my God!

2011

I haven't been able to get myself motivated to write on my blog. Not sure why, but I haven't. I do want to do better though. Wow, I can't believe it's 2011. It seems like 2010 went by really fast. Part of me is happy to see it go- it's been such a hard challenging year, but the other part of me knows it's all part of my journey and it's all part of God's plan. I don't really make new year's resolutions. I can have a fresh start anytime I ask God.

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
(Lamentations 3:22-23)

However I do have a thought to share for the new year. I heard this song on the radio recently and it really spoke to me. It is my prayer to really focus on ministering to others this year. Check out this song. I will post the words below if you don't want to listen to it. This is Matthew West, "My Own Little World". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gR57M80-rzE

In my own little world it hardly ever rains

I’ve never gone hungry or always felt safe

I got some money in my pocket shoes on my feet

In m own little world

Population me

I try to stay awake through the Sunday morning church

I throw a twenty in the plate but I never give ’til it hurts

and I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see

it’s easy to do when it’s

population me
Info

What if there’s a bigger picture

what if I’m missing out

What if there’s a greater purpose

I could be living right now

outside my own little world

Stopped at the red light, looked out my window

Outside the car, saw a sign, said “Help this homeless widow”

Just above this sign was the face of a human

I thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”

So I rolled down my window and I looked her in the eye

Oh how many times have I just passed her by

I gave her some money then I drove on through

in my own little world there’s

Population two

What if there’s a bigger picture

what if I’m missing out

What if there’s a greater purpose

I could be living right now

outside my own little world

Start breaking my heart for what breaks Yours

give me open hands and open doors

put Your light in my eyes and let me see

that my own little world is not about me

Freedom through Grace

I was talking to a girl in my therapy group today and felt horribly burdened when I discovered that she believed she would never be "good enough" for God. That her works would never be enough. I asked her if she knew about God's grace and she said, "Sure!....No. I mean, what do you mean?" As we continued to talk I began to share with her that it was by grace we were saved. Not by our works. She then asked "What about people that murder people and hurt children and stuff?" So we talked about the difference in God's grace and forgiveness and consequences. I felt so good that I was able to share about God's grace with her and I hope and pray that I can continue to reveal God's love and God's truths to her. I hope that she will feel a sense of freedom. That she can breathe a sigh of relief that she doesn't have to be "good enough" for God. That it is through His love, mercy and grace that we are saved. What a horrible burden to carry around to think that you can never be good enough for God. If you are one who thinks that, I have great news for you!! You don't have to be!! He loves you just like you are and it is by His grace and your faith that you are saved!!

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:8-10 NIV)

And again, in the Message Version, Ephesians 2:8-10

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.

And I absolutely LOVE the Amplified Bible's version of the same passage:

For it is by free grace (God's unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ's salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God; Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the Law's demands], lest any man should boast. [It is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself.] For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].

In a world that often has impossible standards for us to live up to I am so relieved to have a heavenly Father that I don't have to be "good enough" for. That I have freedom through His grace.

Being able to sing

I had never really thought much about being able to sing and the freedom found in that. Sure, I've been sick before and not able to physically sing and was always sad to be missing out Sunday mornings. But it hasn't been until the last few months, as I am going through the worst season of my life (thus far anyway), that I have found myself emotionally unable to sing. I have found that weird. I don't understand why I haven't been able to sing. I am not angry at God for the pain going on in my life right now. I don't think any differently of Him. I haven't lost hope or my faith in Him. So why have I been unable to sing? I don't know. Music really ministers to my soul. Listening to music and singing. And the last few months I have found that listening to music, feeling like I was being sung to, has been incredibly encouraging. And I have opened my mouth to sing along, especially praise and worship music, but the lump appears in my throat and my eyes well up with tears. And words to songs have taken on new meaning. I have truly thought, and thought deeply, about every word that I have attempted to sing. The last few weeks have been better for me. I have found my voice again and found the freedom I feel when I can sing. I still think deeply about the words that come out of my mouth and find I have to stop sometimes. But I am glad that I have moved into being able to sing again. I feel lighter in my chest and it is a very freeing experience.