Freedom through Grace

I was talking to a girl in my therapy group today and felt horribly burdened when I discovered that she believed she would never be "good enough" for God. That her works would never be enough. I asked her if she knew about God's grace and she said, "Sure!....No. I mean, what do you mean?" As we continued to talk I began to share with her that it was by grace we were saved. Not by our works. She then asked "What about people that murder people and hurt children and stuff?" So we talked about the difference in God's grace and forgiveness and consequences. I felt so good that I was able to share about God's grace with her and I hope and pray that I can continue to reveal God's love and God's truths to her. I hope that she will feel a sense of freedom. That she can breathe a sigh of relief that she doesn't have to be "good enough" for God. That it is through His love, mercy and grace that we are saved. What a horrible burden to carry around to think that you can never be good enough for God. If you are one who thinks that, I have great news for you!! You don't have to be!! He loves you just like you are and it is by His grace and your faith that you are saved!!

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:8-10 NIV)

And again, in the Message Version, Ephesians 2:8-10

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.

And I absolutely LOVE the Amplified Bible's version of the same passage:

For it is by free grace (God's unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ's salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God; Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the Law's demands], lest any man should boast. [It is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself.] For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].

In a world that often has impossible standards for us to live up to I am so relieved to have a heavenly Father that I don't have to be "good enough" for. That I have freedom through His grace.

Being able to sing

I had never really thought much about being able to sing and the freedom found in that. Sure, I've been sick before and not able to physically sing and was always sad to be missing out Sunday mornings. But it hasn't been until the last few months, as I am going through the worst season of my life (thus far anyway), that I have found myself emotionally unable to sing. I have found that weird. I don't understand why I haven't been able to sing. I am not angry at God for the pain going on in my life right now. I don't think any differently of Him. I haven't lost hope or my faith in Him. So why have I been unable to sing? I don't know. Music really ministers to my soul. Listening to music and singing. And the last few months I have found that listening to music, feeling like I was being sung to, has been incredibly encouraging. And I have opened my mouth to sing along, especially praise and worship music, but the lump appears in my throat and my eyes well up with tears. And words to songs have taken on new meaning. I have truly thought, and thought deeply, about every word that I have attempted to sing. The last few weeks have been better for me. I have found my voice again and found the freedom I feel when I can sing. I still think deeply about the words that come out of my mouth and find I have to stop sometimes. But I am glad that I have moved into being able to sing again. I feel lighter in my chest and it is a very freeing experience.

Reflecting on 30 days

Wow, have I ever turned into a blogging slacker!! But I will do better!!

Last Thursday, October 28th, I was privileged to be able to pick up my 30-day chip at Celebrate Recovery. I had really mixed feelings about it. I have attended CR off and on for years now. But I have never picked up a chip other than my first-time chip. Why? Well for one thing I am incredibly shy, so to raise my hand and have everyone turn to look at me feels horrifying. But really what it boils down to is I'm not sure how to measure recovery. Especially eating disorder recovery. To me anyway, recovery seems easier to track if you are an alcholic for example. By number of days without a drink. Like I said, that seems easier to track TO ME. I've never struggled with alcohol addiction so I can't really speak for it. But for anorexia, how do you really track it? Thirty days since I went back to CR? No, that didn't seem right. Thirty days since I've been out of the hospital? No, that didn't seem right either. Thirty days that things have been perfect? Well, that would never happen! Recovery isn't perfect. I know that. So why did I choose to pick up a chip last Thursday? (And thus face my ultimate fear of raising my hand and have everyone turn to look at me?) Well last Thursday marked 30 days since I signed my blank sheet of paper. (I think I wrote about that?) It marked 30 days since I began this quest for true, complete freedom. Thirty days that I have been in a constant process of surrender. Thirty days that I have done something different for my recovery.

The main theme for those first 30 days was surrender. I know, you are shocked right? That's all I ever talk about on my blog! But that has been huge for me. I have never completely given EVERYTHING over to "Christ's care and control". I've always tried to control some little something. Generally my weight. "God, you are in control of everything, I give everything to you. But I'm just going to stay in charge of my body and weight." Nope. That's not complete surrender. So, signing my blank sheet of paper I said, "God, I give it all to you. Whatever you want to make my body- it is yours. If you want me to gain 200 pounds (which I pray is not his will!), it is yours. Here- you be in control." Wow, has that been a struggle or what?! It hasn't been perfect. But I am learning. I also learned that surrendering is not a one-time act. It wasn't just signing the blank sheet of paper. But it is constant surrender through my actions daily. So I continue to learn! I am excited to see what God continues to teach me on this journey to complete freedom!