Love, love, love

It's that time of year. Valentine's Day is less than a week away. This year the whole thing just makes me want to gag. I actually feel hostile towards Valentine's Day. But who of us hasn't been burned by love before. It just is part of being human. We all long for love. On Maslow's hierarchy of needs it comes right after physiological and safety needs. That acceptance and companionship is something every human being craves. It's the way God designed us. It's why God created a partner, a best friend, for Adam in the beginning. Unfortunately humans hurt each other. And everyone gets hurt by love at some time or another. For many of us it starts in middle school or high school with first crushes and figuring out what love is all about. Then it travels into adulthood where many are hurt again with relationships that they thought were unconditional and would last forever. Sometimes we (or I guess I should say "I") feel that true love is never possible and will never happen to me. I feel undeserving and too scared to ever trust. You know me, I have a song. I heard it for the first time a few weeks ago and can't get enough of it. This is JJ Heller and "What Love Really Means". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqWf-XehllA

In the last six months my world as I knew it has come crashing down. I have questioned love and everything that goes with it. Everything I once thought to be true with love is now questionable. I am extremely grateful and overwhelmed by my parents' love. I say their love is unconditional. But I have to be honest (and this is hard to say since I know they read this), but I get scared. I mean if love has blown up in my face before, who is to say that theirs will always be there? If someone that I believed loved me unconditionally really didn't, then who is to say that others I believe to love me unconditionally really don't? I know I shouldn't let one relationship do this to me, but it has rocked my world and everything in it that I know. I look at my love for my son. I believe it is unconditional but I also question if humans are capable of true unconditional love. Thank goodness we have a God who is capable of true unconditional love! The Bible tells us of this love over and over. Something I took away from Ladies' Bible Class this morning (studying Romans 5:5-8), He died for me at my worst moment and would do it again in a heartbeat. At my worst moment. Wow. And would do it again? I mulled over this for quite a while and realized how unworthy I've been feeling. At my worst moment. He died for me not when I was doing really well and all perfect and stuff, but at my worst moment. How many of us know who would truly stick with us and love us through our worst moments. I hope you have some people you can count on, but if not, I have good news for you! You do have a God who is there 24/7. Always on-call, up late for a chat, holding you through your biggest crisis. What a relief. And I will never be perfect. I try so hard to do things to please my family and friends,I guess to "make them love me", if I want to be honest about it. Because I don't feel I am worthy of love without working for it. Here's the catch with God, I could never do enough for Him, but it doesn't matter!! His love is there- no matter what. I could never earn it, but that isn't what God wants- He wants to just give it. And it's not going anywhere.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ( Romans 8:38-39)

Wow, what comfort. My job is to trust in that and believe in that. Another favorite scripture is John 14:27. It reminds us that God does not give to us like the world does.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

So on this Valentine's Day, I vow to not mourn over what has happened in my life and what I don't have in this world, but what I do have in my God!