The Serenity Prayer

I think I'm going to quit labeling my posts in "days". I'm not liking how that makes me feel...kinda...I dunno...I just don't like it. So I'm not going to do it. So there! Anyway...The Serenity Prayer. I have always loooooved The Serenity Prayer. I'm not sure when I first heard it...high school maybe, but it has always been very meaningful to me. I didn't always know the whole prayer- I just knew the short prayer. But I have found the second part of the prayer, the part that most people don't know, has spoken the most to me. About a month ago I sat down in Celebrate Recovery and went to recite the prayer with everyone and found I couldn't do it. A lump formed in my throat and I couldn't get the words out as tears came down my face. The reality of the words was sinking in. Wanna know which part made me choke up? Well here is the whole prayer, if you aren't familiar with it.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.

So which part? "Taking this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it". Ouch. That hit me like a ton of bricks. Not as I would have it. My life right now is so far from what I would like. I guess most people deal with that at some time. But that is forefront in my mind right now. How life is not as I would have it!! But then, the next part, "Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will". That night that this prayer changed for me, I stumbled over the "not as I would have it" part. I kinda slowed down and stumbled over those words. But the next part, that's when I couldn't speak. That's when the lump appeared and the tears started. You see, at that time, I don't think I knew that or believed that God would make all things right. And that surrender part? Where did that come from? How had I never noticed before the surrender part. I wanted it to just be God making all things right. Where did that surrender part come from? And His will? Wow. This surrender theme has been raging clear this past month with me. I think maybe I'm starting to get it. My part is to surrender and to trust. And His part is to make all things right (according to His will- not mine). "That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next." God wants me to be happy. He doesn't desire the misery and heart-break I feel. He doesn't promise supreme happiness in this life, but reasonable happiness. And I'll take that! So my part, surrender and trust. And I'm getting to where I can now say the prayer without crying- maybe part of surrendering and trusting. And believing.